The first place we checked out in Miami a few weeks ago was a place my parents saw and couldn’t stop talking about. “Ooh, this place is so big!” “It has a really nice resort.” “The landscape could be really great for the event.” On and on and so I looked into it as much as I could online. The place? Oh, just a little corner called the Doral Golf Resort & Spa — a Marriott Resort. Yes, their main page has all these fancy photos and a header with the words “pampered indulgence”, but I couldn’t let that stop me from checking out their prices and packages. No way, you should always check out the package. (TWSS moment, sorry.)

Anyway, I didn’t feel like looking too much into their website because of all the images that never load correctly and the way the pages just look so messy on my browser. Geez, I’m not the coding expert in the relationship, but I get annoyed by websites that try to be so fancy to the point of just making everything so difficult to load.

Website aside, we visited the resort as a happy married-to-be couple. We were greeted by the overly fancy valet and then by the concierge who had us fill out a form with as much info about our wedding plans as possible. We walked around a bit and the only word that came to mind was: POMPOUS. So many kids walking around with golf clubs and golf outfits, parents in their country club outerwear, high school girls with their sidekicks and designer name bags. The list goes on and on of all the signs that this was the wrong place. It’s not that I can’t stand rich people — well, actually, most times I can’t, but more than that, seeing the country club atmosphere was just sickening and boring. After working at a yacht club for several years throughout high school and college and seeing what these people are like in real life, the last thing I want to do is try to emulate them and get married at a place where they feel at home.

Before we could turn around and say nevermind, the special events coordinator showed up, white gleaming smile and hand extended. And see, here’s the thing. Even though my mind was already made up and I kept trying to come up with ways to say “no thanks, this place is so cliche” I couldn’t turn off the side of my brain that forces me to be polite. It’s something my parents taught me that has drawn me into uncomfortable situations where I just smile and nod and think “oh, geez, how long until I can make a mad dash out of here?”

So we followed the coordinator into one of their smaller rooms for a party of 100, which is what we mentioned is our target. This is where the sweetheart table would go and here’s where we would set up the buffet lines and the dance floor would be here and the tables would go like that. Minimum for this room is 75 guests with food for $10,000. Ok, cue the smiling and nodding and pretend like this wouldn’t swallow up the budget for the WHOLE wedding.

Maybe we were good actors or maybe she was just going through the motions of her job because after this she walked us to another room, a little larger than this first one. This has this nice view looking out at the golf course, nice windows, the tables would go this way, the dance floor that way and the minimum would be 125 guests with food for $15,000. Am I smiling? Can someone tell me if I’m smiling because I can’t feel my face all of a sudden. The thought of how the reception alone, without music, without a bar, without floral arrangements, here would be just too much left me frozen in place. Christian and I looked around, then looked at each other and all I wanted to do was say “Andiamo” through my teeth as I learned from the Italian guest lecturer in wines class with the hand gesture, too.

We made it out of there as politely as we could. We saw a little more of the resort, I asked a few questions about what else they provided (as if) and then we said, “Thank you very much. We’ll look over this literature and get back to you.”

Overall, the place does have its luxuries, but so does any place with man-made lawns and a hotel. It’s a fancy place for rich people who run out of ideas or don’t want to think too much when it comes to finding the venue for a special event. Don’t get me wrong, if someone sent me a check for the $15,000 to specifically hold my event at this place I would take it, but the truth is we’re not well off. The key to making this wedding fabulous without the fabulou$ ca$h is creativity, finding a place that will give us a memorable event without having to sell our first born some day.